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armeniandating.com article

From Profiles to Emails: 25 Things Men Find Irresistible Online

Post date: 2006-08-23

Are you a good cyberflirt? It's no secret that men and women approach romance differently -- men are visually stimulated while women are often charmed by verbal skills -- and the same holds true for online dating. But if you're looking for a few hints about what makes a man click (so to speak), read on. You'll find honest opinions from real men about what works online, what doesn't and what to do when you meet offline for the first time.

A picture says 1,000 words -- maybe more
"The picture is the key item to get me interested in reading a girl's bio. It's the candid snapshot of her having a good time that makes me think maybe we'll have a good time together. If the photo is taken specifically for the [profile] or seems too serious, I'll skip it."
--Alex, 28, banker, NY

"The picture is the first thing I always look at. It honestly doesn't matter what the profile says if the picture doesn't spark interest. I don't mean this in a horribly shallow way."
--Shaun, 29, software development manager, NY

"If you do not have a picture posted, you will most likely have to be more aggressive. Be clear that you're not comfortable with having your picture on the Internet but you'd be happy to supply one eventually."
--Jamie, 30, software sales account executive, NY

"Make sure the photo is big enough to see easily. But no photos of you in a bikini or a really low-cut shirt bending over for obvious reasons. These make guys think that you're all about your body or maybe you haven't matured into 'relationship' mode yet."
--Shaun, 29, software development manager, NY

Choosing a clickable username
"I like usernames that reflect something about the character of the person without trying to be excessively hip or witty. Simple is better. I'd click on suzy123 before PhD123Maryseeme."
--Anthony, 43, online business development, NY

"User names like 'looking4the1' and such just come off as desperate. I'm fine with a first name, or a combo of letters and numbers that I don't understand. But I don't think it's necessary to get extra cute with a username. That's not what counts."
--Russ, 29, technology consultant, PA

"I hate usernames that are too cryptic. I enjoy clever wit, but that's as far as it should go. I'm trying to get a date, not take an exam."
--Alex, 28, banker, NY

"I don't think I've ever clicked on a headline like 'Juliet seeks her Romeo' or 'In search of Prince Charming.' Those usually indicate someone who might be on a mission and might not be too much fun."
--Jamie, 30, software sales account executive, NY

"I've helped some of my female friends with their ads; one wasn't getting much mail, until I came up with a new username for her, 'BetterThanYourEx.' Guys thought this was original and funny. It also synched up with the male thought process when we're reading ads: 'Hmm, at least she looks like she'd be better than my ex.'"
--Brian, 36, corporate finance, CA

Writing a great essay
"Whenever I read someone's profile, I like to see if her personality comes out. How often do you read a profile that says 'Tired of the club scene'? We're all tired of it, or we wouldn't be on the Web looking to meet new people."
--Jamie, 30, software sales account executive, NY

"I look for a sense of humor on display. Too many people write that they have a good sense of humor, but aren't funny at all in their profiles. Online dating is supposed to be fun and playful, not a formal resume."
--Shaun, 29, software development manager, NY

"An essay with a relaxed, warm feel and a little humor mixed in always keeps me interested and usually leaves me wanting more. When girls are uptight and formal in a simple description of themselves, it's a clue that they're probably more so face-to-face."
--Alex, 28, banker, NY

"[Online dating] provides a lot of options. People should be honest about who they are and what they're looking for, and they SHOULD be picky. I don't think it's a good idea to lower your standards to attract a wider range of responses. For instance, if you're a Christian and would like to meet someone who's a Christian, don't be wishy-washy about it. If it really matters to you, it's going to come up at some point in the future, so put those cards on the table right up front."
--Russ, 29, technology consultant, PA

"Originality is key. Nine out of ten profiles say the same thing. We all like going out as well as staying in. We're all close to family and friends. Write something that shows off your personality."
--Shaun, 29, software development manager, NY

"I've found that a person's real-life personality generally reflects the essay quite well. People with very long essays like to talk a lot, even if you aren't really interested in that topic. People who write clear essays are usually easy to understand in person. People with immense lists of things they want in a guy tend to be demanding in person. Women with disorganized stream-of-consciousness posts with no paragraphs or punctuation tend to approach life the same way."
--Brian, 36, corporate finance, CA

"I've read essays that range from 'I'm looking for a husband now!' to 'Just window-shopping.' For me, the essay needs to present a brief, honest summary of who the person is and her description of a good match. It's very hard to do. Personally I don't like to write about myself. It may help to ask friends to work on it with you. It's also a good idea to go back periodically and edit."
--Anthony, 43, online business development, NY

"Don't say 'I don't really have to be on here' or 'I can't believe I'm on here' or 'My friend/sister made me.' You're on, we're on... so move on!"
--Shaun, 29, software development manager, NY

Getting to that first face-to-face date
"I've usually initiated the first phone call, as well as the first meeting. But I see nothing wrong with a woman initiating. Everyone is on the site for essentially the same reason. Believe it or not, guys actually like to be pursued too. I would call that an ego thing. As far as who pays, I was always brought up with the understanding that it's up to the guy to pay, but that may not be the case with everyone."
--Jamie, 30, software sales account executive, NY

"Over email, I think it's difficult to know whether someone wants to meet up, so it's okay for the girl to suggest it if the guy doesn't. Just keep it simple. If you insist on dinner, be prepared to go Dutch, depending on the guy."
--Anthony, 43, online business development, NY

"Guys tend to like low-risk, no-promises engagements in this situation, ie, 'Let's just meet for a drink and see what happens.' This way no one is committed to an entire evening but the door is still open once we meet and get a feel for each other."
--Jamie, 30, software sales account executive, NY

"I usually end up paying for the date (another reason why I'm selective about who I actually end up going out with), but it's always nice of the woman to at least do 'the reach.'"
--Russ, 29, technology consultant, PA


What next? Chemistry questions and more...
"I've usually had a good indicator at the end of the date as to whether or not I would like to meet up with someone again. I am a firm believer in letting people know where they stand, so I usually let them know what I think right away. If I were interested I'd definitely ask her out again. If I were unsure I would probably give it another try, and if I weren't, I would let her know in a polite way. I expect the same from the women I meet."
--Jamie, 30, software sales account executive, NY

"If I'm not interested in a woman after our first meeting, I don't email her. Many times it's a simple case of not having chemistry, but other times it's an outright case of misrepresentation."
--Anthony, 43, online business development, NY

"This is a fun way to meet new people, and there is nothing wrong if you don't hit it off face to face. Everyone on the site has gone on dates or been married in the past, and the bottom line is that things obviously don't always work out. Same rules apply online."
--Jamie, 30, software sales account executive, NY

"I actually do feel that online dating can be romantic. But it's romantic for the same reason that dating is in real life. There are many women on each site, and though your search may bring up a couple hundred returns, there's only going to be one or two who really make your eyes open wide and make you say wow! When you get that first email back from them, it's definitely an awesome thing."
--Russ, 29, technology consultant, PA
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